


Worth It: Letterkenny

by Ashling



Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series), Letterkenny (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, I did not expect this fic to take this turn either, I will be deadly honest with you, Steven/Andrew but only if you squint, but you know what? No regrets.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:00:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21844078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashling/pseuds/Ashling
Summary: "That looks fuckin' terrible."The Worth It boys find their Canadian star.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 29
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	Worth It: Letterkenny

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reserve](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reserve/gifts).



> happy Yuletide, reserve!

Mo & Dean's: the same long bar, the same wooden stools, the same square tables beyond, a little more light with those big front windows. Two in the afternoon, barely anyone around; Gayle behind the bar, drying glasses.

Wayne looks like a wind-up toy that's been wound up as far as it can go. Got that mouth screwed up tight. Every word abrupt. 

"Well," he says. "Seein' as we have till dinnertime. I might do some chorin' while you—" He doesn't know what to say, nods instead. 

"Yeah, I think we'll just walk around, get some b-roll of the town," says Andrew easily. A little too easy, pointedly maybe.

"And some quotes!" Steven says, knocking Andrew's shoulder with his hand. "Like, how people feel about Letterkenny, and stuff. There's a lot of cool stuff to, um." His customary cheerfulness is flagging as Wayne is gets more and more flat-faced. "Just lot of cool stuff to see, I'm sure."

"Yup," says Wayne.

"Bye," says Andrew, a little too quickly, a little too lightly.

Wayne gives them one last nod and marches out. 

Andrew waits a full sip of beer until the door has closed behind Wayne before he catches Steven's eye with a dark look: _this motherfucker_. Which he won't say, Gayle being well within earshot, Mo & Dean's being as close to still as it ever is.

"He's a hard-working guy," says Steven, a touch of defensiveness underneath.

"Toughest guy in Letterkenny," Andrew says evenly.

So, they'll clearly settle nothing. No reset button available. Andrew's disgusted, because he can see that Steven's gonna keep on after Wayne with that puppyish, let's-be-friends entreaty in his eyes; Steven's frustrated, because he can see that Andrew's gonna keep on after Wayne with that stubborn, so-what-you-don't-like-us challenge in his.

They finish off their beers in silence. But Steven really can't keep up a sulk for long.

"Well," he says, a little rueful, and picks up the camera. Andrew leans in to get a better look.

The footage is even worse than they both remember. When the crucial moment arrives, Steven, watching, starts grimacing in the shape of a smile. Steven, onscreen, wears an expression of pure delight, and Andrew, onscreen, is still processing. Wayne looks like he's got a poker up the ass.

 _I think I'm about to say something slanderous,_ Steven says onscreen. _Is that a word? Slanderous?_

 _It is now,_ says Andrew.

_Here comes the slander—or no, worse. Treason. I'm about to commit treason._

_Oh boy,_ says Andrew dryly, a hint of fondness.

 _This—_ Steven holds up the chicken wing. The camera zooms in on it, catching the sticky glaze, the mouthwatering golden-brown. _This is the best chicken wing I have ever had in my LIFE. And it's Canadian. That's right, not American—Canadian! Andrew? Andrew, tell the truth. Back me up on this._

 _It's good,_ Andrew says, mock-cautious. _It's amazing. But hold on there, I don't—I don't wanna get my passport revoked, here._

_You see this guy, Wayne? Me, I stand for liberty and justice for all. The liberty to speak my mind and justice for the best chicken wings, regardless of nationality. This guy, all he thinks about is himself._

A painful silence.

 _They are good chicken wings, yup,_ says Wayne. _Um. Lot of garlic there. Some honey. They're, ah, the honey garlic wings. Some of the best, there. Mm-hm._

Painful silence, but shorter this time. Steven jumps in: _Garlic has to be one of the seven wonders of the world, right? Right up there with butter. I actually think this one's my favorite; you've got that balance between the savory and the sweet that makes me feel like I could eat another pound of these all by myself. What about you, Wayne?_

_I like 'em, yup._

_What's your favorite flavor, would you say?_

_Butter hot._

_We'll have to try that next,_ says Andrew.

 _Totally,_ says Steven. _What would you say makes the Butter Hot Wings the best, Wayne?_

Small pause. _The spice._

"Boys, that is absolutely, positively, no-doubt-about it..."

Andrew and Steven look up from the camera. Gail has paused both drying glasses and speaking to get their full attention. When she's sure she's got it, she says, with a hip thrust: "fuckin' _terrible_."

"Don't worry, we can fix it up!" says Steven, at the same moment that Andrew says: "Yeah, we're dead."

"Well, which is it?" says Gail. A strange head-tilt on the _which_. But neither of them are fazed; they're used to Gail by now.

"We'll fix it up and show it to our clients, whereupon they will kill us," says Andrew. "Or demand their money back. Honestly, I don't know which would be worse."

"We're not, like, crazy about money," Steven puts in, "We're just trying to start our own company, and this is literally our first client."

"Our old boss sucked," Andrew says. "Can't go back there."

"Who's the client?" says Gail, swiveling her hips in a way that's reminiscent of an old lady doing physical therapy, but disturbingly also sexual.

"Destination Canada," says Steven. "Marketing Ontario and Quebec to people in the States. They're great, the project is great. But the thing is, we have a tight deadline on this one, and we really need a Canadian on the show. We picked Wayne, because we were told people liked him a lot on Crack N Ag, but for some reason, with us, the banter's just dried up." 

"Well, if you need a substitute..." says Gail. Her hips are doing this that would make a chiropractor have a stroke. "I can vibe with anyone. A man. A woman. A nonbinary person. Two nonbinary people. Two nonbinary people and a woman. And a man. Or _four_ men. Or—"

"Think we got it," says Andrew. Then, to Steven, who's adjusting the camera: "Wait, seriously?"

"Give us an audition, Gail," says Steven, aiming it at her. "Why not? Talk to us about chicken wings."

"But," Andrew cuts in, "If it's too sexy, it won't work."

Gail's eyes narrow. "Is there such a thing."

"I mean..." Steven wavers.

"There is absolutely such a thing," Andrew says quickly. "Matter of fact, try not to be sexy at all. If possible."

Gail grins at him, all teeth.

Andrew flicks a glance at Steven: _This isn't going to work, is it?_ To which Steven replies with a bit of a face: _Just let her try._

"Chicken wings," Gail says, fixing her eyes on the camera with an hypnotically intense gaze. "They're everywhere in Letterkenny. Big Dave's. Little Dave's. Inky's. Tabletop. Ninety-Six. Maybe, one day, Sixty-Nine. But here, at Mo & Dean's, the fourth of the franchise, the best yet, the Return of the King if Return of the King was fourth--we have the coveted Honey Garlic Wings. The One Wing. These wings are so juicy, they'll make you wanna slap your own mother. These wings are so good, you'll wanna cry on national TV! If you don't enjoy these chicken wings..." She points at the camera, intent. "Then you don't have a fuckin' heart."

"Wow," says Steven, heartfelt. "That was...I don't know what to call it. That was great!"

"They call it charisma," says Gail.

"Gail?" says Steven.

"Call me Gailor," she replies gravely.

"Aye-aye, Captain."

"Go on, then."

"I believe, Gailor, that this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

They grin at each other, then turn to Andrew.

Andrew holds up his hands in surrender. "We would have to reshoot the whole first two meals, but honestly, why not? Nothing could be as bad as what we have right now."

Steven is beaming. "And she's going to be great."

"You bet your ass," Gail says. "Baby, I'm gonna make you a star."

**Author's Note:**

> Jared Keeso: "The chicken wing game in Sudbury is tight." [0:43](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=075X8fJPGEg)
> 
> When thinking about who from Letterkenny would do well on Worth It, I thought: there's only room for one deadpan, judgmental guy in a Worth It Video, and Andrew's got that covered. Gail, on the other hand, brings an intense (and hypnotically watchable) energy that could go with basically anything as long as she kept the innuendos down...


End file.
